Married people and language learning

Open Forum
1

Not sure if this was discussed before But I’m interested in how everyone deals with it.

Soo the question is, How do you married people try to learn languages while balancing everything else ie: Work, spending time with wife/husband , chores , kids ( if you have them ) ect… ect…

Me , I havent been able to find a schedule that works for me. I’m in my mid 20’s , I’m married We have no kids and i can barely find anytime to do real studying. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a very busy person per say, I dont spend alot of time watching tv , I barely see friends ( maybe once a month) , I dont party ect… ect… you get the idea…

My typical day is usually me waking up , taking a shower , breakfast, doing morning chores ect. Then I work 8-12 hours a day ( depending on how much work i have) Then i spend time with my wife by the time I’m done everything Its time to shower and time to go to bed.

The problem I’m having is that I already spend 8-12 hours on a computer a day. My wife doesnt like it if i spend anymore time on any gadgets while im not working. Sooo this means no lingqing or no listening to mp3 lessons. I means Its totally understandable and I agree. I spend a LARGE amount of time on the computer away from my wife and When im done working I should give her my full attention a few hours by talking to her and spending time with her and doing something thats not selfish at alll. My lingq study is sporadic at best , I usually only have the time to study if shes out with friends or if shes taking a nap. From what I’ve read, I know steve listens as much as possible like while doing errands , doing the dishes , when driving ect… Unfortunately I cannot do the same HEHE… Main reason is I work at home and my wife is at home all day aswell. When we do dishes we do them together and talk to each other and when we go out we usually go out together soo its not like i can put an ipod and ignore my wife when we do things together =p. I sometimes try to listen to audio while I work during the 8-12 hours but mostly I can because I need to do important phone calls, meetings , and other tasks that need my undivided attention.

Please don’t take this as a Rant or me complaining. I love my wife and my life haha. I just wish I had a little bit more time to do some real studying without ignoring my wife in the process.

I’m not looking for suggestions … I’m just wondering how others who are married are able to learn languages while dealing with everything else =p.

Looking forward to some responses.

2

I suggest you try talking to your wife while listening to your language MP3 files on your earphones. This might meet some initial resistance from your wife but you just need to persevere. She’ll get used to it if she really loves you.

Let us know how it goes.

3

Steve must be joking. In the U.S. our day for that kind of joke is on the first of April, but maybe Canada uses another day.

First of all, I don’t think it’s healthy to have earbuds/phones in your ears all the time. I want my ears for when I get to be an older person.

Secondly, every couple is different, but I think it’s perfectly okay for each person in a marriage to have some time alone to think, to be here at LingQ, or to take a long bath and wash off the…day.

Thirdly, I can tell you without being Dr. Laura or Dr. Phil, that you should not “talk” to your wife or your husband when you have something in your ears. If you’re on a long plane ride, sure listen to something, but take the earphones out if she asks you a question.

Believe me, my husband does not let me listen to headphones when he talks!

4

Seeing as you work from home all day, it’s only reasonable to go outside for walks every so often to get some fresh air. You could then use this time to listen to your mp3s. I do most of my listening walking to and from work.

5

I’ve just noticed from your profile that your wife is Korean and you are learning Korean. Good for you, not many would do what you’re doing. I’m surprised your wife is not more supportive…

6

Vi7 is right about the earphones. It’s a bold move, but you might just find yourself with the cord wrapped around your neck !!

7

I don’t know you keroro, but I think it’s good for each person in the marriage to have hobbies, interests and friends.

I don’t know your wife’s personality, but I wonder if she would be interested in being a tutor here.

8

I don’t know you keroro, but I think it’s good for each person in a marriage to have hobbies, interests and friends.

I don’t know your wife’s personality, but I wonder if she would be interested in being a tutor here.

9

Nice topic.

I am married with 2 young kids. I only have reliable time on my commute (about 1 hour listening) and the odd time I feel awake in the middle of the night, I’ll get up and spend an hour LingQing. Finally, I will have flashcards open in the background of what ever else I am doing on the computer and go over 2-3 during 2 minute “microbreaks”.

I also try to read stories and watch videos with my kids in my second languages. Everybody wins!

It sounds to me you have to set goals and tell your wife about them. You guys can work something out.

Is she Korean? Why not reply to everything she says in Korean :slight_smile:

10

I’m sorry for the double post. It posted while I was correcting it.

11

I am surprised at the negative reaction of others. You do have to work at it. There could be some initial negative reactions. But if she truly loves you…

Here are some tips that work for me.

Learn to say “yes dear” in English or whatever language you happen to be studying, at regular intervals.
Learn to look in her direction every so often, just in case you did not notice that she was speaking to you.
If you are really focused on what you are listening to, learn to hold your finger to your lips to shush her up, without appearing annoyed.

Let me know if you need more tips, and as I said, let me know how you make out.

12

Dooo’s advice is good too. Since Jamie agreed with me, he’s a genius as well:)

I don’t know for sure, but I think a lot of people do microbreaking. Is that a word? It should be. No, it’s called taking a mini-break. This is how a lot of people learn languages whether they’re admitting it or not. My husband laughs about this. He’ll say something like, “Twelve minutes of French and three minutes of Basque.” We can learn all the time if we try to find little moments of downtime and use them.

13

I know you said you’re not looking for advice, but I can’t help it. Does your wife have any hobbies? I see that she goes out with friends, so she has no problems carving out personal time for herself. I suggest you do the same. Do you think she would want to keep you from doing something that you enjoy? Talk with her and see. Also, does that mean that you and your wife spend 5+ hours a day together? You do nothing other than work and spend time with her? Would 1 hour really bother her that much? Alternatively, maybe you two could study together.

Anyway, I am married with one 4 year old child. I do listen a lot during my commute, and while at work, or exercising. When I have conversations, my husband often helps by trying to keep her away. :slight_smile: My husband doesn’t mind the time away from him spent learning. In fact, he is proud of my progress. Also, he realizes that the time spent doing other things helps me feel fulfilled as a person.

14

I also work from home. And good to know the time in which my wife will need attention. I do not borrow these hours. And she does not distract me when I teach English :slight_smile:

15

Uh, Steve,

Now, I know you are joking. I’m can’t stop you from giving a “Manswer”, but do you have good insurance in case your manswer results in the death of some LingQers?

I’d like to see the kind of opinions that you’d get about your uh, advice, at the other “forum” (The Linguist blog where Bortrun and dooo slugged it out over the IPA for more than fifty posts).

I’m not a feminist, I’m more of a pacifist. Never under-estimate the self-esteem needs of your spouse.

16

I think I have to clarify as my initial post maybe wasnt clear at alll. People here are making it sound like i have an unsupportive wife and as if im having marital problems which completely opposite.

As i said in the original post

" I’m not looking for suggestions … I’m just wondering how others who are married are able to learn languages while dealing with everything else =p. "

Again, I dont want suggestions or adviced about my own life haha. I’m not complaining, i just wish i had more time in a day =p. I choose to spend time with my wife. I’m happy!

I was simply wondering how other married couples schedule their time to get everything done and spend time together without the other feeling like their being left out.

Vi7: We do have alone time. And i spend it studying. But that alone time isnt everyday day because it depends on how much time i have to work. I also have to spend time with my wife Again, I wasnt looking for advice. Just wondering how others deal with this. In my situation i already spend alot of time on the computer and id like to spend time away for myself and for my wife… its a choice i make. Dont want to neglect her and spend all my time on a computer. Not very considerate.

Jaime: I never said she wasnt supportive. Shes the most supportive thing i have in my life… My whole point was that there just isnt enough time in the day for me to deal with everything because I’m already glued to the computer all day and both me and my wife want to spend time together. Something we enjoy doing ALOT. She helps me alot with my korean but unfortnately i cant spend the whole day working and studying because i have other thigns to do.

Doo: Thanks for the answer and staying on topic =p. Yah my wife is fully aware of my goals. But she has goals too and we compromise!!! No problem on my end just not enough time in a day …

Steve: Thanks for the reply/ Advice =p… If thats what you apply to your own life… Thats pretty bawlsy =p…

Again everyone… PLease NO advice… im just interested to see how couples deal with everything =p…

17

@aybee

“I see that she goes out with friends, so she has no problems carving out personal time for herself. I suggest you do the same.”

Astute. Maybe Steve’s war of attrition is a good tactic…

18

What I’ve learned from my marriage is that each person has the right to have his own live. Now I’m divorced but I have a boy friend since 8 years. To be married or to have a boy friend doesn’t mean that you have to spend every single minute of your freetime with him or her. We have an agreement. After dinner everyone of us has 2 hours to spend with special interests. In my case I usually study languages during this 2 hours, I create content for LingQ, I tutor for LingQ, or I read books. My boy friend has a lot of different interests. Sometimes he studies at LingQ too. On weekends, we spend a lot of time together. That means quality time!

This works very well for us. We have found a good compromise between beeing a couple and beeing an individual. I think this is really important for longtime satisfaction. This is not selfish. It is self-protection. During my marriage I tried to spend every single minute with my husband. Each one of us felt unhappy at the end. Spending time with things you like let you be more satisfied, and this is good for your wife too.

By the way I’ve a job, a child, a boyfriend, a household, friends and many other interests. I recommend to speak with you wife. This is much better than to speak with us about this problem.

19

Thanks for those first 2 paragraphs… its exactly the info i was asking about…

Third paragraph not soo much =p. I wasnt coming here with a problem. I regret not being clear what my original post. I actually have no problem and I’m not looking for a solution. I love spending time with my wife. at the moment most of the time I’m either working, taking care of house chores … After that I rather spend time with my wife than Study… Soo if i were to pick one its to spend time with my wife. I just wish there was more time in a day to do more thats all. I’m not complaining =p…

20

Ugh… I know i said " the problem that im having " in my original post… That was a bad word to use… and now i wish we had a Edit post feature. Its not so much a problem… its more like I dont have enough time in a day to do everything id like to do… I’ve set my priorities to doing the important stuff and stuff i enjoy doing first like work, spending time with my wife and taking care of the house… Thats a choice i made… The only thing i wish is more time in a day =p. I’m happy how thigns are now!

Just wnated to see how everyone deals with it and if they are having similar “problems”…