The year has only started but I feel that based on what I achieved so far, we should already be in April or August depending on how I measure it. I have decided that I’m going to start gathering life lessons in the OP, that I think might come in handy for you guys (I’ll add them at some point in the near future). I will also divide my posts by topic as I like to write long posts. That way you can read as much as you want/have time for without getting lost.
A psychological breakthrough
Somewhere between January and February I had a psychological breakthrough. For many years I have wondered what might have been if I’d able to change one thing from my past. There have been a couple of things that if changed they would have had the same sort of impact that this project has had. I have still always wondered whether it would really have the impact that I think it would or if it’s just some narcissistic fantasy to justify my self-pity.
I have come to the conclusion that while I must admit a few attempts to solve my problems before have failed because of my “I am so pissed that I am just going to give up and wallow in self-pity” attitude. Still, there have been enough unnecessary obstacles that I can honestly say that my frustration is justifiable.
This breakthrough made me realise that I was closer to getting my problems solved than I ever imagined. It’s both a positive thing and a negative thing at the same time. I feel that as we move towards spring this fact is going to cause some sense of bitterness when I have finished all the set up stuff regarding my self-employment plan.
What have I done?
In the first two weeks of February I worked on a way to organise my grammar in such a way that I would learn to translate between languages with ease. How to learn many languages and still maintain them to a very high degree has been one of my biggest worries for quite some time. I think that I “have cracked the code”.
I made some huge advancement but towards the end of week two. I realised that I have more or less literary worked on my languages every day for the last two years or so. I decided to focus on non-linguistic stuff of this project because they are just as important and I did need a rest.
During the last week I have tried to perfect my routine of how I work and plan things. I have one-word document where I have all info regarding planning (blog ideas, steps of doing things, at what stage are the blog posts). I hope this will make it easier for me to separate my free time from work time. I have my plan pretty much worked out and there is just some small fine tuning to be done, in terms of the plan.
How have I felt
Based on how the fast the days pass, I say February has gone quickly by. There have been days where I wondered, “Wait, is it Wednesday or Thursday and all of a sudden realised that it’s 00.30 on a Friday night”.
When I had the psychological breakthrough, it was a significant event, I am very rational and I don’t really believe in any of the spiritual stuff but for the first time in my life I understood why people might believe in such things.
It was a beautiful day in February the sun was shining, it reminded me a lot like the days when I was about to end my studies in Business Administration at Practicum (A Finnish vocational college). There are many parallels to my situation now and then. The key difference is that I am 8 years older and that by the end of the summer I will have a steady job (as self-employed writer). It felt to me that all my troubles over the last 8 years had not happened over the span of 8 years but rather only a year.
I was quite surprised with how calmly I took it. I was very calm and very detached from it all, I expect as this project moves along that I will experience bitterness and anger over what and how certain events have gone.
Two small things that have helped keep my mood up is that I’ve started to go to a supermarket that is further away, the one that I used to work before. It’s a bit of an up-scale supermarket and just far enough for me to get out and get some fresh air. I have a “notepad” on my phone which helps me keep track of ideas which I get a lot of when I’m out and about. I also bought a few better wines like a bottle of Barolo; these two acts have had a huge impact on my mood.
For the first time I have also felt that this is my job and not a hobby that hopefully will pay out at some point. Earlier this week I had to make a conscious choice to work on an article about one of the first professional Finnish footballers. It’s a huge task I have to read up on him, write notes, write drafts and then write the final product, etc.
Once I put my mind to it, I quite enjoyed it, in order to be self employed you need a certain mindset I have had worries about what will the “bad days” look like. Still I have everything so well thought out and the worst days doing this is a piece of cake compared to how my best days were working at a supermarket used to be.
What are my hopes for March?
In a way I feel it’s almost pointless to predict anything because I don’t know what my limit is in terms of what is possible. I will need to get the website up and running by May. I have set up a deadline 1 of May with a two-week grace period.
Since I have studied languages nonstop for a few years now I think I want to extend my break a bit longer and concentrate on my Euro 2020 coverage for my website. There is also some other pop culture stuff that I’m working on that will serve as launch material for my website.