Looking for help with my motivation letter

Open Forum
1

Hello,
I’m applyng to an University in Netherlands, and I would like to receive some advices about it:

Motivation Letter

Roosevelt Academy
Dear Madam or Sir,

When I was a child my dream was to study abroad at a prestigious university. Now I have the opportunity of applying to Roosevelt Academy which is part of Utrecht University, recognized as the best university in Netherlands and one of the best in the world.
Why Middelburg?
Because since long ago, my uncle and aunt live there. They are Adriaan Marinus Witte who is the manager of Xenos Market; and my aunt Norma Estrada Witte who works the government. They are both a very important support for me because without them it would be difficult for me to stay there.
At Roosevelt Academy I expect to improve my skills in English (which is my second tongue besides Spanish) and my abilities in mathematics and sciences. I would also like to learn Dutch because I find it interesting to be in a new culture, and integrate into this community.
In November of this year I will finish my High School at a prestigious school called Universidad Pontificia Bolivariana which is accredited by the International Organization for Standardization (ISO) as a High Quality institution. It is also considered as a “very superior” school by the Colombian Ministry of Education.
I feel ready to this fascinating challenge of studying at Roosevelt Academy and expect to be taking classes in economics, because I consider this field of study an important axis in nowadays world. With this knowledge I could be of great help in my country in the near future.
Thanks for your attention to my letter. I look forward to receiving your answer.
Yours Sincerely,

Sebastián Estrada Rodríguez.

2

Hello Sebastian,
I took a quick look at your letter. Here are some change I would suggest sometimes to improve the english and sometimes to improve the style :wink: I’ll precede my comments by a star * and use underscores _ for my suggestions.

Now I have the opportunity to apply at the Roosevelt Academy …

Because my uncle and aunt live there since long ago.
*or even better
Because my uncle and aunt live there since 1987(?).
Because my uncle and aunt have been livinge there for 23(?) years.

They are Adriaan Marinus Witte, the manager of Xenos Market; and my aunt Norma Estrada Witte who works _with_the government.

They are both a very important support for me because without them it would be difficult for me to stay there.
*this sentence is correct but it sounds like a child’s language

I would also like to learn Dutch because I find it interesting to be in a new culture, and to integrate into this community.
*which community?

In November… Ministry of Education.
*perfect paragraph! don’t change anything :slight_smile:

I feel ready for the fascinating challenge of studying at Roosevelt Academy and expect to be taking classes in economics, because I consider this field of study an important axis(?) in today’s world.
*I don’t think axis is the appropriate word.

Best wishes for your application

3

Hello “SmurfMurf”,

I looked your suggestions and advices and I like them!
Thank you very much for your help!!