I am looking for English funny rhymes about work

We have the Day of Motherland’s Defenders on Feb., 23 in Russia. No matter how it is called (it used to be the Soviet Army Day), we treat it as Men’s day. Women give presents to all acquainted men.
I am a software engineer, so there are a lot of men and only one girl (of course, it’s me :))) ) in the room, where I work. It is quite hard to find something cheap and useful for 7 men, so I make a “wall-newspaper” usually. The first time I remade movie posters in Photoshop, replacing the faces of actors with faces of my cowokers. The title of this “wall-newspaper” was “Men, like in the movie”. The second time I drew a comics. I designed “South Park” characters for every person in our department, found a greeting rhyme, recollected interesting stories of our department, and draw rather funny comics. This time I want to do sequel of “Men, like in the movie” or “South Park”, but I can’t find an interesting rhymes. But now I realised that I can do “wall-newspaper” in English!
Can you give me some rhymes in English? It would be greeting rhymes, comic rhymes about work (espeicially about programmers) or something else.
I know only one, but don’t like it (as I know the Russian translation, that is limerick-like and therefore more funny)
One hundred little bugs in the code
One hundred little bugs.
Fix a bug, link the fix in,
One hundred little bugs in the code.

Here are two limericks I just thought up.

Two sides of the coin

Programmers are a difficult breed
You clearly spec out what you need
They seem so all knowing
But once they get going
The results cause your ulcers to bleed.

Bosses don’t understand our profession
They constantly change their direction
So deadlines are passed
Yes bugs are amassed
And it’s all caused by the specification

:slight_smile: That’s cool! I like it! Thank you, Steve.

I don’t know any on my own, just whatever there is on the web. I ll post the most classic ones but they are quite known…

“The Programmers’ Cheer”

Shift to the left, shift to the right!
Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!


OOP is like teenage sex: everyone thinks everyone’s doing it, nobody’s actually doing it, and those who are doing it are doing it badly.

“Why computers are like men”

  1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
  2. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
  3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
  4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.

“Why computers are like women”

  1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
  2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
  3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
  4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Programming is 10% science, 20% ingenuity, and 70% getting the ingenuity to work with the science.

You Might Be a Programmer if…

*  you lust for O'Reilly books.
*  you know that "goto considered harmful".
*  you are looking for the "else" at the end of this joke.
*  you believe that making a wrong program worse is no sin.
*  every combination of three letters is a meaningful acronym for you.
*  when you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".
*  you can remember seventeen computer passwords but not your anniversary.
*  you are sure that the year 2000 is a leap year, and know why it is dangerous.
*  you start laughing hysterically when the topic of computer reliability is brought up.
*  you go to balance your checkbook and discover that you're doing the math in hexadecimal.
*  the language you are best speaking is English, but the language you are best writing is Java.
*  on vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the pages faster than everyone else who is reading John Grisham novels.

Murphy’s Laws of Computing

* When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.
* When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.
* The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.
* When the going gets tough, upgrade.
* For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
* He who laughs last probably made a back-up.
* A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.
* The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.
* A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do.

I don’t like that one but at least is a poem!

Life Before the Computer

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!

Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 inch floppy
You hoped nobody found out!

Compress was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You’d be in jail for awhile!

Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode!

Cut - you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider’s home
And a virus was the flu!

I guess I’ll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody’s been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!

Murphy Laws are interesting! I totally forgot about them! Thank you very much, Konstantina! Perhaps, I will use them. Unhappily one of my key clients in “The results cause your ulcers to bleed”-stage, so I am solving problems…