Hello!
I’ve just written a short simple text, but I need some corrections from people whose native language is English.
I know, tutor correction system on lingQ is excellent, but I doubt that I could get a response by this evening… if someone has a bit of spare time, please take a look and tell me if there are any grammar or lexical mistakes.
Thanks in advance.
There were two students of foreign language… let’s presume… of English. One of them, student A, learned from time to time but tried every opportunity to improve his English. Another one, student B, was very earnest person and he hasn’t ever tried in his studies anything which was not serious enough.
One day both students encountered an advertisement: ‘Storytelling. Come and tell Your story. In English.’
‘Interesting…’ said student A, and went to the storytelling meeting.
‘What a rubbish!’ said student B, ‘I’ll never spent my time on these sorts of suspicious activity!’
It happened that with time student A became a very successful user of English, but student B still reads his textbooks and can’t use his knowledge outside the classroom…
@lewis
Thanks for you corrections, here is the fixed version:
There were two foreign language students… let’s presume, studying English. One of them, student A, studied from time to time but none the less tried every opportunity to improve his English. The other one, student B, was a very earnest person and he never tried anything that wasn’t serious ‘real learning’, in his studies.
One day both students encountered an advertisement: ‘Storytelling. Come and tell YOUR story. In English.’
‘Interesting…’ said student A, and went to the storytelling meeting.
‘What rubbish!’ said student B, ‘I’ve never trusted this kind of thing… it’s a gimmick!’
It happened that over time student A became a very successful user of English, but the student B still reads his textbooks and can’t use his knowledge outside the classroom…
Get rid of the ellipses. You don’t need them in this particular text.
I’d say “saw an ad” rather than “encountered an advertisement.”
Begin the last paragraph with “Over time . . .” and get rid of “It happened.”
On second thought, let’s change the first sentence around a bit: “There were two foreign-language students, both studying, say, English.”
“The other one, student B, was a very earnest person and he never tried anything that wasn’t serious ‘real learning’, in his studies.” Either break it up into two sentences or get rid of “he”:
a) The other one, student B, was a very earnest person and never tried anything that wasn’t serious “real learning” in his studies.
b) The other one, student B, was a very earnest person. He never tried anything that wasn’t serious “real learning” in his studies.
@astamoore
Thanks a lot for you profound but clear corrections. Now it resembles a normal English text:
There were two foreign-language students, both studying, say, English. One of them, student A, studied from time to time but none the less tried every opportunity to improve his English. The other one, student B, was a very earnest person and never tried anything that wasn’t serious “real learning” in his studies.
One day both students saw an ad: “Storytelling. Come and tell YOUR story. In English.”
“Interesting…” said student A, and went to the storytelling meeting.
“What rubbish!” said student B, “I’ve never trusted this kind of thing, it’s a gimmick!”
Over time student A became a very successful user of English, but the student B still reads his textbooks and can’t use his knowledge outside the classroom…
Oh, one more thing. I’m not sure I like this “a very successful user of English.” Maybe “a very fluent English speaker”?
Actually, a few more things. (Sorry, they keep creeping up as I copyedit your text.)
Over time Student A has become . . .
Again, I’d break it up into two sentences. The second should begin: “Student B still reads . . .”
Capitalization: Student A and Student B.
Again, get rid of the remaining ellipses:
a) “Interesting,” said Student A, and went to the storytelling meeting.
b) Student B still reads his textbooks and can’t use his knowledge outside the classroom.
Sorry I just saw this. I would make the following changes. I suggested removing everything in parenthesis.
There were two foreign-language students, both studying(, say,) English. One of them, student A, studied formally from time to time but nonetheless took (not tried) every opportunity to improve his English. The other one, student B, was( a) very earnest (person) and never tried anything that wasn’t serious or “real learning”( in his studies).
One day both students saw an ad: “Storytelling. Come and tell YOUR story in English.”
“Interesting…” said student A, and went to the storytelling meeting.
“What rubbish!” said student B, “I’ve never trusted this kind of thing. It’s a gimmick!”
Over time, student A became a very successful user of English, but( the) student B still reads his textbooks and can’t use his knowledge outside the classroom…