How about having a bit of fun tonight?
Below is a short story in cockney rhyming i found on the net.
Well Charlie. I was at the nuclear sub, havin a few britany’s wiv me china,
he kindly offered me a salmon which I took. He was tellin me bout this old cold n
who tried to sell him a pimple, “how much”, asked me old china,
“a c0ck n”, said the old cold n. What did you say I asked.
“Go forth and multiply” he replied.
I took a butchers at the old pimple and took a ball of chalk down the frog and went pope.
I got in and sat for a while on the rory next to the jerimiah and butchersed the linen,
then up the apples to uncle ted and went fast bo.
ok let’s see…
nuclear sub = pub
Britney Spears = beers
china plate = mate
butcher’s hook == look
ball of chalk = walk
frog n toad = road
apples n pears = stairs
uncle Ted = bed
IN common use, even outside of London, amongst folks with a television are:
telling porkies (pork pies = lies)
a load of old cobblers (cobblers’ awls = balls)
I’m feeling a bit pony (pony and trap…look it up on Pony and Trap is Restricted
We had a bit of a barney (Barney Rubble = trouble)
They half-inched me motor! Half inch = pinch, steal
Blimey, I’ve just blown a raspberry (raspberry tart…look it up at Rhyming slang - Wikipedia)
his whistle’s looking a bit pony (whistle and flute = suit)
I’m totally brassic this week, (borassic lint = skint, having no money)
Is his barnet a syrup or what? (Barnet fair = hair, syrup of figs = wig)
Some of these may make you sound a bit old, some make you sound like you’ve been watching too many reruns of Minder (see Minder (TV series) - Wikipedia). And don’t call anyone a berk unless you are sure you know what it means!
I don’t know how authentic the dialogue in Minder is or was in the eighties, but it’s such a cult classic that a whole generation have now grown up speaking “Minder cockney”!
