“How to be offensive: a guide for the polite” by skyblueteapot
(May Contain Traces of Dodo: How to be offensive: a guide for the polite )
The above essay is very interesting. I am particularly interested in the last suggestion cited below.
“you could also try typing everything in lower case very long sentences with no punctuation at all which makes you look very mad and also unreasonable but not very angry.”
The first suggestion was, …
Thank you, Skybluecoffeepot.
I’d respond by getting your name wrong Yutaka-san, but I realise I’m being fairly offensive already using your first name, so I won’t push my luck 
I encourage all the politest and most diffident LingQ members to practise being gently and deliberately rude in their target language. It is fun and a good confidence builder.
Preferably either pick a target who you know can recognise a joke when they see one, or you could invent an imaginary opponent to flame.
I suppose that Helen-san could live by her pen.
Why thank you Yutaka-san! It is a dream of mine, I guess I need to work at it a bit more and work out what people actually want me to write about…at the moment you get whatever comes into my head when I have had too much caffeine 
I was asked if my phone number was listed in the telephone book. I could not understand why a person asked me the question. I thought responding to a question by another question might be rude, and did not reply to the strange question from the person whom I don’t know well. Anyway, I don’t know if his or her phone number is listed in the telephone book, and I am not interested in that matter.
→ and I did not reply to the strange question
I think it may have been a rhetorical question, to determine your attitude towards protecting your privacy.
You may notice that I avoid asking direct questions, using phrases like “you may notice that” instead. It’s a British “don’t invade people’s privacy” quirk I guess.
Helen, I cannot get the link to work but if this is the same as the post on LingQCentral I can only say that you achieved your goal. Here is what I had to say. I do not want to repeat myself but I cannot help it.
"Helen, I find it offensive that you would describe my discussion style in such detail, as if you had me in mind, and then have the gall to call it offensive.
Are you a complete nincompoop? Do you know how to tie your shoelaces? Are you English? That figures. Grow up you smarty pants teenager.
Really, I am quite offended."
WHAT??? No CAPITALISATION, no mispeled words, no exclamation marks!!! REally you sound qwite REASONABLE and “normal”!
A proper American could manage a MUCH better rant !!!
I have changed my mind. We do not need an EDIT function on the lingQ forums. Words should be carved in stone.
I think that Helen’s essay can be used as guidelines for how NOT to be offensive.
I really can’t improve on this comment left on my blog, so I quote it here:
"Anonymous said…
bluskyteepoo,
u r truely ignorant
everybody knows that MAD MEANS ANGRY!!1! so ur sntance "makes you look very mad and also unreasonable but not very angry." makes you sound stupid maybe you jus type like this becauseyour welshy scotish country with its history of imperialsm is trying to mess up the language u stole from the americans and mess it up by spelling stuff like COLOR and LABOR wrong and using different words to mean what they dont reelly mean. R U smoking pot!!?! wat kind of a name is bluskyteepoo n e way? maybe when you grow up and become more mature you wil lern what you are talking about and not post such ridiculous stuff
btw, DR WHO SUXXX!!!!!
25 May 2010 11:16 "
Great(!/?)
"Alcohol is to language what it is to driving and love making. "(Totoro’s last words)
Re Helen’s wisdom, here is a recent example from my youtube channel.
A few years ago I made a video in Cantonese on the subject of language learning
This video generated the following comment from a product of the American school system, whose name on youtube is tubelincoln. I have edited the comment to meet LingQ’s parental guidance standards.
"tubelincoln
8 minutes ago
Cantnese is not a language its a dialogue you f***ing idiot "
I don’t know if the comment is so great that we should carve it in stone with his or her name on this very prestigious forum.
YutakaM
The fact the compulsive insulters inhabit the Internet and often have trouble using English or any language properly is a sociological fact. Helen may have some insight into the mentality of these people.
"Helen may have some insight into the mentality of these people. "
I’m still considering how to take that remark…
By the way, tonight’s homework will be to take each offensive post and rephrase it politely.
Here is my attempt:
"I think you are wrong, Steve, to refer to Cantonese as a language. It is a dialect, at least according to Wikipedia: Cantonese - Wikipedia.
The point is discussed at length here:
Why should Cantonese be refered to as a language ?"
The British have about a million ways of softening their words, this is about as blunt as we can be politely in saying “you are wrong” in print.