I want to understand this language more consciously. We can feel it, but its happens more unconsciously than consciously. Its like another layer of information witch is very tightly related to the conversation and its very very important. And what i found, trying to learn an alphabet of body language, like meaning of crossed legs, face expressions or any other micro signs, its the same like trying to learn English by grammar. Very hard and very confusing, because then you speak or listen, its no time to analyze a body language, the only thing you can do is to notify those patterns. And by that time, the brain must respond the meaning without analyzing it. So, does anyone has a good references to material witch focuses more on patterns of body language and less on separate micro signs/grammar?
I think that it is very difficult to be polyglot in body languages.
I checked the expression “body language” in a dictionary, and found that it is an uncountable noun. Before I consulted a dictionary, I had been thinking that there are several body languages as there are a lot of spoken and written languages. What I wanted to say in the last post of this thread is that it is difficult to master different body languages in different cultures. What do you think of the expression “different body languages?” Is it uncommon?
Actually, i don’t think there are more than one body language, but its varied in different contexts, definitely.
You might be interested in checking out Paul Elkman’s research, which I first read about in Malcolm Gladwell’s book, Blink. His teacher’s abilities to read faces was absolutely remarkable. He has an hour-long interview on YouTube, his own website, and there’s some general information about him on Wikipedia as well.
You could watch the American TV series “lie to me”. That’s all about people who are experts in reading body language. I’ve learned a lot from it 
“lie to me” will start on Wednesday in Germany. Maybe I’ll take a look …
I don’t want to be the cynical one here, but I think the vast proportion of literature/experts on ‘body language’ are frauds and mystics peddling nonsense.
I definitely agree that there are those more talented at picking up micro-expressions, but any attempt to apply science to it, or - even worse - to draw psychological conclusions worries me!
They say there are seven universal emotions: joy, anger, sadness, surprise, fear, disgust, and contempt. I suppose that a good actor should be able to express mixed ones of these emotions or conceal these emotions.
In the early 90s I had an amazing NLP tutor from the States, Will McDonald, who worked with Richard Bandler and later with my preferred systemic counsellor and creator of DBM, John McWhirter. Will could read us like a book and always said the clues were there for all of us to pick them up, some people just could read them more easily. Concealing emotions is quite difficult, though and even a poker face can tell a story. As to good actors, now I know why they are few and far between.
“Lie to me” is perfect for me. Learning English in the meaningful context is what i was looking for. Thanks a lot 
Any other suggestions are appreciated.
I actually found an excellent facial expression chart, each showing branches. From happy to sad to angry and everything in between. There are about 90 in depth expressions, each having little tidbits of extra info. I have been able to read people easier. Look for these kinds of charts. I might give you all a link, but I need to make sure I can distribute it. Keep posted.
As for body language, however, it’s pretty universal. Except for vulgarities, of course.
I have some books on body language.
That I will get around to eventually.
SanneT, I also attended an NLP training with the late Will McDonald… (may he rest in Peace). He was an amazing NLPer.
“Lie to Me” is a good program for learning many patterns, however, in order to be sure of the meaning, the observer needs to confirm by asking followup questions and making many observations. Many wrong conclusions can happen when observing a pattern and jumping to a conclusion because a book or TV program says it means such and such… even an NLP book!
Knowing whether a specific facial expression is in response/reaction to what the observer just said, or whether the person wasn’t quite listening but instead was thinking about the previous thing you said is crucial.
The scenes in “Lie to Me” where they interrogate people in that glass room or entrap people on a street corner are intense and scripted well to appear true, but real life is quite different. The star always does a surprise verbal attack where he gets his response, which is different than everyday conversation.
Will McDonald taught us to calibrate a person’s rsponses to their own VAK mannerisms before making any judgments. It’s all about noticing repeatable patterns.
“Lie to Me” has done a great job showing many facial patterns and they seem true to me within the context of the show. Real life conversations are more challenging.
That voice! It’s as if I could still hear him. I flew to the memorial service Karen arranged for him at their home on that island in Puget Sound. People from all over the world were there to remember him. It was quite curious to meet his (very grown up) children, who were thrilled to learn that Will had used them in his little, seemingly throwaways ‘stories’. I was very sad when Karen also died a few years back. They had both been very good friends. Thank you for describing Will’s skills so much better than I did. He was a remarkable man.
I didn’t hear of Will’s passing until a year after the fact. Even though I only knew him for 2 weeks, I cried like a baby. I felt as though my own uncle had passed away. You are right, I can still see and hear him like it was yesterday.
We had a fellow in our class from Brazil who didn’t feel his English was smooth enough which caused him to hesitate at times even though we could all easily understand him. Will sat him in a chair, “adjusted his submodalities a bit” and following that he was speaking smoothly, confidently and noticeably better than before.
I didn’t hear of Will’s passing until a year after the fact. Even though I only knew him for 2 weeks, I cried like a baby. I felt as though my own uncle had passed away. You are right, I can still see and hear him like it was yesterday.
We had a fellow in our class from Brazil who didn’t feel his English was smooth enough which caused him to hesitate at times even though we could all easily understand him. Will sat him in a chair, “adjusted his submodalities a bit” and following that he was speaking smoothly, confidently and noticeably better than before.
I honestly don’t think body language is as hard to read as sarcasm. It is much more subtle, and very prevalent. Obviously there are some cultural differences, but they are very minor, except perhaps the use of certain gestures.
Any conversations about body language by default is understood as trying to read others or to improve own expressions. But, for me, the most interesting usage is to understand myself. If i know what my own responses to people, situations, ideas or to anything else means, its easier to understand that is going on with myself. I noticed, that a lot responses are made without conscious intense and only thing you can do about it is to notice them and to understand why you did it. That’s my goal. Second goal is to understand others more. I know very well how much responses depends on that you are thinking about, where is no direct relation between action and reaction, but some deep knowledge about body language is better than believing only in words, witch can make a lot of troubles
If it is true that some human expressions are almost involuntary and are hard to be controlled by the actor, people who have mastered controlling their emotions can manage their impressions freely by performing involuntary expressions voluntarily.
Although It is not a deplorable thing that some “actors” do not need eye lotion to shed tears instantly, it is very sad that a lot of people are forced to be smiling any time at work.